How To Be Free

As a consultant, coach and mentor, I’m aware of the amount of discontent in the world. If it’s not a job that “sucks,” it’s unfulfilling relationships, or life experiences that too often disappoint. It seems most everyone is looking for a place in their lives and in the world to just be happy.

"What we all want is pretty simple, really. We want to be alive. To feel alive. Not just to exist but to thrive, to live out loud, walk tall, breathe free. We want to be less lonely, less exhausted, less conflicted or afraid . . . more awake, more grateful, more energized and purposeful. We capture this kind of mindful, overbrimming life in terms like well-being, shalom, blessedness, wholeness, harmony, life to the fullest, and aliveness." ~Brian McLaren from the Center for Action and Contemplation

While all of us seem to hear the calling or yearning in such language, it’s clear that many of us are mostly focused on what’s wrong in our external realities rather than our internal ones.

No wonder all the masters across disciplines consistently point us to inner development as opposed to external realization. As I once overheard in a coffee shop, “If it ain’t inside you, you ain’t going to find it outside you.” To which another person responded, “Damn, hidden in the one place none of us want to look!”

If that’s true, that none of us wants to inwardly explore the causes of our discontent, what might be an approach we could use?

Let’s try something simple, an approach many clients have used to good effect. It’s comes through questioning our expectations, and considering different ways of seeing to reframe them.

Is it true, as our culture often implies, that work is or will be unpleasant and unfulfilling, which is why we call it work? Or could it be that we are at our best when occupied with efforts that are fun and engaging, even if they are difficult or challenging?

Examples from the culture:

“Thank Goodness It’s Friday”, i.e. TGIF
“Nobody ever went to the grave wishing they’d worked another day.”
“Do you live to work, or work to live?”

What if stress, which is often characterized as deleterious, is in fact an essential part of physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual health?

Illustrations from the world:

“No pain no gain,” recognizes that when we must put forth effort it is beneficial, and yet we are encouraged to avoid the discomfortable.
Research shows that it is not stress that is damaging, rather it is how we view stress that either promotes protective hormonal releases, or prevents it. Seeing stress as beneficial and necessary promotes well-being, yet most common information negatives stress.

Is the point of our lives comfort and leisure? Or is it purpose and growth?

Worldly views:

Seeking to maximize “down time”, vacations, holidays, leisure and entertainment including massive marketing efforts from every direction.
Promoting “retirement” as the time when “we can finally do what we really want to do.”
Pleasure seeking in a myriad of ways that includes any number of avoidance strategies or bypassing, e.g. addictions, compulsions, and work arounds.

Could it be that such expectations as these, which do not hold up to critical examination, set us up for disappointment? What if our unexamined beliefs about life and living put us at odds with life itself? Wouldn’t these lead to disillusionment?