Let's discuss changing our relationship with the things that drive us crazy. I know you're thinking, "What the hell does that mean?" Well, I engage in a lot of developmental work with people, both personally and professionally. Quite often, the starting point for any developmental work is a list of frustrations with someone or something that is driving you nuts. That's a good sign because it indicates that something is going on.

Here's the problem: Brain research shows that constant complaining, whining, and kvetching are terribly unproductive from a brain hormone secretion point of view. We flood our systems with unhelpful hormones while trying to deal with things that aren't within our control.

What we can change, though, is ourselves. I focus on developmental work with people about changing our relationship to things. As soon as I see things differently or change my point of view, often because I don't understand something, the nature of the frustration shifts. I start seeing and experiencing that circumstance, person, or situation through a different lens.

The best way to do that, to be really honest, is a simple technique: offer yourself three alternative explanations for the thing, person, or place that is driving you crazy. Your brain will take these three credible explanations and open your mind up. Once your mind opens up, you have a chance to negotiate a different relationship with the circumstance.

For example, I live in Atlanta, where there are many interesting traffic problems. "Interesting" is a good word; it suggests it's fine, just different. You'll often hear people say, "I got cut off in traffic, that lousy rotten..." Well, as soon as you reframe that and say, maybe there was a sick kid in the backseat, or maybe there was a mechanical failure, or maybe they were distracted because they just put their parent in a memory care facility.

Three credible explanations open us up to other possibilities, giving us a chance to see things differently.

Seeing differently changes our relationship to something. I don't know if we can change the world, but we absolutely can change our perspective and relationship to the world, and that changes everything.