Sometimes I come across research that I am enthralled by. That happened not too long ago, about two years actually, when I saw some incredible data.

The data said that the best developmental interaction is interaction that allows the recipient a relationship of seven to one positive experiences to negative. Seven to one positive experience to negative.

Now, it doesn't mean that you just candy coat stuff and whitewash things. It means that when we give things to people in ways that value them, to call them up, rather than to call them out, that it has the most beneficial effect.

And here's a real kicker. If it's a child, it's seventeen positive experiences to every one.

Now, let's put this into the real world. Think about it for a moment. Let's say you've got someone that you work with or works for you or someone you're in a relationship with. Every time we interact in a way that is experienced as critical, negative, unpleasant, devaluing, we have to make up somewhere between seven and seventeen positive experiences.

If you're like me, I had a real gut check on this. I thought, I've got a lot of game to improve upon.

It's so easy to be critical. It's so easy to tear people down. We're so fast to criticize.

Seven to one. Or if you're like a child, even if you're not a child, seventeen to one. That's a real challenging proposition.

I'm sharing it because I'd like to challenge you. See if you can hit that mark. See what it does to your relationships. It's probably going to surprise you.