A Story with a Point

Once upon a time, a mentor asked. “Ron, are you aware that you are sometimes a contrarian?”

Without a moment of hesitation (or awareness of the irony) I replied, “No I’m not.”

He laughed and then I laughed. Much to my surprise, there I was: the contrarian part of my personality in full demonstration. Actually, it was a part of me I’d never seen before, and perhaps couldn’t see prior to his question and my response.

For many years I’ve been exploring all the odd elements that make up personalities - mine and those of others. Especially, I’ve worked to allow them to just be things to observe; not to judge them, but to be aware. So let me tell you what I’ve learned about my sometimes contrary nature, the seemingly good and the seemingly bad.

At best, this attribute is a bell-weather. Unconsciously, my psyche is always looking for what is missing in order to call it into awareness. It’s a beautiful thing when used with some skillfulness.

Sometimes it comes forth with a mischievous twinkle in the eye, a curiosity that can be endearing, though it can also annoy others. And sometimes it comes with an unpleasant edge, or at worst, some motivations that are not at all positive. There are clearly times I have been a troublemaker with this aptitude.

Like most everything about you and me, few things are simply good or bad. Instead, they reveal to us what is inwardly motivating us. Assuming we are paying enough attention to catch ourselves. In that awareness, we have a moment of possibility, an opportunity to choose how to proceed. Not only are we able to see our own tendencies, we may even be able to consider the person on the receiving end, and adjust accordingly. There is extraordinary power in such moments. In fact, it may be that the ultimate psycho-spiritual development is in our ability to catch ourselves before we move beyond the urge or thought arising. Then to take stock of our true motivations, other people and the circumstances. This is the truest notion of real freedom.

With that, let me offer a new thought that emerged from these contemplations.

Sometimes the right thing to do is not to do the right thing.

It would be easy to imagine this to be merely a demonstration of contrariness. However, please consider for a moment that we have all been conditioned to believe we are always supposed to do the good thing, the proper thing, indeed the right thing. Because of that conditioning, there is no freedom of choice. We do something because we are supposed to.

Yet, like clay on a potter’s wheel, we cannot take form into something beautiful without two sets of opposing forces. The centrifugal force that pushes the clay toward expansion, and the tension-like force of the hands which press back in order to mold. Take away either force, and nothing comes into being.

So it is with “right” actions and “wrong” actions, or intentions, or ways of being.

Who we are to be, the revelation of our fullest potential, cannot take form without two sets of forces acting upon us. We must engage our own dark side, and likewise our soul side. Otherwise we remain unshaped.

Seeing True™

Each of us must come face to face with ourselves, then with the other as it manifests as a person or situation. It is in that moment where awareness and appraisal allow for freedom.