One Woman…Cornered

For nearly a decade, I have been a mentor, coach, sponsor and friend to a young woman who has become quite dear to me. Leigh has grown so much in that time that she is almost unrecognizable. Yet throughout that time she has struggled in a variety of ways with matters of relationship – not just love, but pretty much across the board though in a wide variety of ways. Working on relationships has been fruitful and troubling and often a consternation for her.

Recently, she and her partner have decided to split. At least, that’s the view from today. It’s a point of departure she has reached before, so time will tell how matters ultimately unfold.

Leigh and I had a wonderful conversation about her dilemma. In short, the question is whether to be in or get out, with no clear answer. It would be far easier if her partner was a big problem in some way. Yet, that does not seem to be her present space for learning what are undoubtedly important life lessons.

The real crux of the issue is how to hold the present, uncomfortable place in which she finds herself, when there is not a clear answer. Wisdom suggests it is most prudent to take no action until clarity comes.

Yet, how can we stay in our discomfort?

As Leigh and I talked it through, she used a physical analogy. She’s quite athletic and in this case, she analogized rock climbing.

How do you hold an uncomfortable position on a rock wall when there is no clear next step? Knowing that the amount of time you can stay will be limited by fatigue? Unsure of whether to go right, or left, or up, or back because there is no obvious best option?

Finally Leigh observed she should hangout and contemplate. The worst would be she would fall and be caught by the rope and able to begin anew. Then she leapt psychologically to the teachings of Father Richard Rohr with her conclusion.

“I pray I can stay on the wall and hold the uncomfortable position long enough

to fall into the hands of God rather than become bitter or broken.”

That is the sound of a transcendent moment, which provided an opportunity for a reflection.

“Just remember God and Grace are fully infused

in holding that uncomfortable position.”

Then came a connection to a true story, one that I had fictionalized in my novel, A Killer’s Grace. It’s a teachable moment where the protagonist, Kevin Pitcairn, is being guided by a renegade priest, Father Tony, who happens to be modeled on Father Richard Rohr.

A Teachable Moment

“Kevin, a few summer ago, there was a marvelous story told about a couple of drunken men. They were with their families for a summer vacation on Lake Erie when, inexplicably, they rode two wave runners out into the lake. Who knows what they were thinking …”

Pitcairn interjected. “Yes, I heard about that. They were drunk, Tony. They weren’t thinking.”

“Well, yes, there is that, isn’t there?” the priest chuckled. “At any rate, they ran out of gas and spent a very frightening and sobering night in the water. With hypothermia approaching, the sun rose on the horizon the following morning. Unbelievably enough, a Coast Guard cutter sighted them despite being to the west of the men and having to see their heads bobbing amid waves flooded with sunlight. The officer who spotted them called it a miracle.”

The priest sipped his tea and sighed with a shake of his head. “News reporters talked to the men, one of whom said, ‘God sure was with us when they found us.’ As soon as he said it, one of the priests who’d been comforting the families blurted out a comment loud enough to be picked up by the microphone. He said, ‘Rest assured, God was with you even as you rode foolishly out into the lake.’”

He laughed at the story. “You see, Kevin. Grace is not conditional on anything. It’s ever present. All we need do is open ourselves to it.”