Isn’t the Whole Point To Achieve Ease and Comfort?

It all started in a three-way conversation with two long-time mentees, both of whom are quite close to each other as well as often traveling similar developmental paths at the same time. Matt and Charlotte just so happened to both be in major life transitions that were positive, but quite disruptive to their lifestyles.

Then came a contemplation from Father Richard Rohr, who is often a central influence to all three of us. It explored liminal space. A few excerpts follow up, but first let me share Matt’s first reaction. “I’m not sure I like this idea!” Charlotte quickly seconded his comment.

They were reacting to the idea that liminal space - a time of disorientation and discomfort - is in fact quite desirable from the standpoint of our psycho-spiritual development.

“Liminal space is an inner state and sometimes an outer situation where we can begin to think and act in new ways. It is where we are betwixt and between, having left one room or stage of life but not yet entered the next. We usually enter liminal space when our former way of being is challenged or changed—perhaps when we lose a job or a loved one, during illness, at the birth of a child, or a major relocation. It is a graced time, but often does not feel ‘graced’ in any way. In such space, we are not certain or in control.

The very vulnerability and openness of liminal space allows room for something genuinely new to happen. We are empty and receptive—erased tablets waiting for new words. Liminal space is where we are most teachable, often because we are most humbled. Liminality keeps us in an ongoing state of shadowboxing instead of ego-confirmation, struggling with the hidden side of things, and calling so-called normalcy into creative question.

It’s no surprise then that we generally avoid liminal space. Much of the work of authentic spirituality and human development is to get people into liminal space and to keep them there long enough that they can learn something essential and new. Many spiritual giants like St. Francis, Julian of Norwich, Dorothy Day, and Mohandas Gandhi tried to live their entire lives in permanent liminality, on the edge or periphery of the dominant culture. This in-between place is free of illusions and false payoffs. It invites us to discover and live from broader perspectives and with much deeper seeing.

In liminal space we sometimes need to not-do and not-perform according to our usual successful patterns. We actually need to fail abruptly and deliberately falter to understand other dimensions of life. We need to be silent instead of speaking, experience emptiness instead of fullness, anonymity instead of persona, and pennilessness instead of plenty. In liminal space, we descend and intentionally do not come back out or up immediately. It takes time but this experience can help us reenter the world with freedom and new, creative approaches to life.”

Since we cannot avoid many, if not most, of the forces that come to bear upon our lives, it seems likely that life has a bias for growth and development in response to a creation that is inherently dynamic. It may very well be that our task is always to engage through whatever means we are able; even if we have human egos that do all they can to resist, avoid, or somehow workaround.

Seeing True™

Two conclusions came to Charlotte and Matt: Matt, who is a Star Trek fan observed, “Resistance is futile.” Charlotte then channeled the philosopher Ken Wilber, “Transcend and include.”

Both are now leaning into the disruptions in their life. They are being changed.

Notably, they are not suffering - in fact, they are thriving.